SUFFERING IN SILENCE – BATTERED MEN
Statistically 23% of women are battered vs19.3% of men. Studies pertaining to domestic violence shows that the number of men attached by their wives or girlfriends occur more frequently than many of us would have ever imagined. We would have not imagined this because we are so accustomed to the mindset that men are always the abusers.
The plight of men who fall victim to abuse are unprotected because the abuse is almost always unreported. Men are conditioned to be tough and unless it is instilled in men at the earliest stage of their lives, as in pre-school years, many if not most are taught not to hit girls and if they were fortunate to have one or two loving parents, they were taught not only not to hit girls but also to respect them as equal human beings.
An important factor to consider is the number of young boys who had been or are being abused, physically, sexually, or emotionally by their mothers. These young men are more likely to remain silent out of fear that they would be removed from their home or worse, that their mother would be incarcerated for child abuse.
Adult men are less likely to share with their male friends, family, or co-workers that they have experienced abuse at the hands of a female or male depending on the dynamics of the relationship. Cases of men who are sexually abused are unreported at an even higher rate than cases of women who are victims of sexual abuse. The few men who have the courage to report female-imposed abuse are often revictimized by police who choose to ignore their claims, further perpetuating the stigma by evoking phrases like, “Man-up” or even worse, encouraging him to fight back and kick her ass, assuring him that it will not happen again after taking this form of action. We know very well that an action of that nature would backfire when the female calls to report that she has been abused. The male would then be handcuffed and hauled off to appear before the county’s Commissioner to set a bail hearing or to remain in detention until a hearing is set.
The plight is further diminished or even acknowledged in the media whereas if the perpetrator hits his wife or girlfriend and he is a celebrity it would be highly publicized as in the one case that comes to mind, when a female sibling of a famous recording superstar assaulted an even more famous business mogul, songwriter, rapper back in 2014. Had it not been for the use of security cameras in almost every public venue, the incident would have been covered up and no one would have ever known unless it was leaked by an insider.
As we confront the problem, it is imperative that we address the fact that women have the same propensity for violence as men and are equally as capable of inflicting serious injury on their partner, children or others that trigger their anger, insecurity or need to lash out for any number of reasons. It has been reported that women inflict violence upon their victims for the following reasons:
Infidelity
Insecurity
Lack of validation – professional achievements diminished, viewed as irrelevant
Over-achieving or under-achieving
Lack of assistance with the children, household chores
Emotional or physical needs unmet
In addition to the possible reasons described, men are more likely to stay in an abusive marriage for the sake of the children and are less likely to file for divorce for fear of losing custody of the children to their mother or concerns of the financial destruction of his income, assets and even employment status.
Support for silent suffers are offered by organizations that provide services for women and men. Online chat groups that offer shame free environments where men can share their feelings with others with like circumstances. Counseling services are an excellent resource as are shelters for those who are seeking a safe exit from their abuser.
IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS IN NEEED OF HELP FROM AN ABUSIVE SITUATION, THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE IS ONE OF THE BEST PLACES TO START WHEN SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP. CONTACT 1.800.799-SAFE (7233) OR CHAT LIVE, COMPLETELY CONFIDENTIAL, COMPLETELY SECURE BROWSING.
