SUPPORTING A SURVIVOR OF SEXUAL ASSAULT OR ABUSE
Sexual Assault or any form of abuse is an extremely traumatic experience. Disclosing the abuse can be as traumatic as the incident itself.
Survivors of abuse rarely disclose the abuse to anyone. It may take months, years or in come cases a lifetime to speak openly about what occurred.
Survivors choosing to disclose their story will often make the decision after much consideration, choosing whom to tell, a family member, trusted friend, teacher, or pastor may be among those who may be the chosen recipient of this deeply traumatic, personal and deeply painful information.
IF YOU ARE THE CHOSEN RECIPIENT FOR THE SURVIVOR’S DISCLOSURE IT IS IMPORTANT TO BE COGNIZANT OF THE FOLLOWING:
BE PATIENT – it may take time before words are spoken. The survivor may be visibly shaken, may cry before speaking, may have trouble finding the right words, maybe fearful or even become hysterical at any point.
Your instinct may be to rush them to just, “Spit it out”, you may become impatient or upset because you’re anxious to find out what’s about to take place.
Your initial reaction can make or break the connection therefore it is imperative that you do the following:
SHOW COMPASSION – express your concern for their wellbeing
EXPRESS YOUR LOVE – (if this is a loving relationship) and assure your loved one that you will be Supportive no matter what lies ahead
IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU JUST LISTEN. Try not to interject, hold off on asking questions until you’ve heard everything the survivor needs to say.
Be cautious not to SHAME, BLAME or JUDGE.
EXPRESS YOUR COMPASSION by asking if it is okay to ask questions and wait for their response.
Initially disclosing the incident may be all the survivor is able to handle in those moments, a hug and signs of assurance that you are with them maybe all that is needed for now.
You can suggest that you will wait until they feel comfortable continuing no matter how long it takes.
Be sure to communicate to the survivor how grateful you are that they trusted you with this information assuring them that you Believe them and will do whatever it takes to help and protect them.
Once you’ve heard all the information, once your questions have been asked and answered, you may want to ask and/or suggest the following:
Do you need medical attention?
Would you like to speak to a professional who has more experience with situations like this?
Do you want to report the incident to authorities? This question will be irrelevant if medical attention is requested.
If the answer to any or all the questions is NO, then respect their decision to wait before seeking any outside intervention. You may provide information about sexual abuse in the form of literature, online access, or brochures.
If it is apparent that medical attention is required, seek emergency assistance immediately.
Lastly, be mindful not to break the survivors Trust. If you need to speak to someone such as your spouse, family member or close friend, you need to inform the survivor of your intention and respect their response. Remember the survivor chose you because they trusted you.
The trauma of sexual assault can last a lifetime. Your actions are critical to their healing process.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON SEXUAL ABUSE, CONTACT THE NATIONAL SEXUAL ABUSE HOTLINE 24/7 365 AT 1-800-656-4673 FREE / CONFIDENTIAL.
