HELPING A FRIEND OR LOVED ONE WHO IS IN A DOMESTIC OR RELATIONSHIP VIOLENCE SITUATION
1. Communicate
It may be awkward, but it is important to let your friend know that you are concerned about what you see going on. Let your friend know that you want to help, assure them that you are trustworthy and that they are not alone.
2. Acknowledge
Listen to your friend closely. Encourage your friend to speak freely and express their pain, humiliation, and anger without judgment. Assure your friend that the abuser is the one with the problem and they are not responsible for their behavior.
3. Be Patient
It may be difficult for your friend to discuss the situation. Your friend may deny that anything is wrong. You should assure them that you have noticed things that are causing you to be concerned and that you understand it they do not feel comfortable sharing, but you are there and will continue to be there for them should they ever need you.
4. SUGGEST
Ask if your friend has thought of ways to resolve the problem. Allow him/her to express their own solutions before making suggestions and offering your solutions to their problem. Only if asked for your opinion, should you offer your opinion. Often the victim may become defensive of the abuser and become angry with you for talking against him/her. Tread lightly before verbally attacking the attacker.
5. ACCOMPANY
If your friend is showing physical signs of abuse and needs medical attention or if he/she wants to report the abuse to the police or consult with an attorney, you should offer to go with her/him for moral support but allow your friend to speak for her/himself if he/she can do so.
6. PLANNING
If your friend is ready to leave the abusive situation, work to develop an Exit Plan, make sure that Safety is the key component to this plan. Enlist the help of professionals or other trusted friends / family with carrying out the plan. Keep in mind to share the plan with a few people as possible. Never force your friend to follow the plan if he/she suddenly wants to back out.
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
1-800-799-7233 – 1800-799-SAFE
1-800-787-3224 (TTY for the Hearing Impaired)
